


you say it's enough (in fact it's too much)

by laminy



Series: and the night followed day, and the story tellers say [10]
Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF, British Actor RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Kink Negotiation, M/M, Rimming, Sex Talk, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:47:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21724021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laminy/pseuds/laminy
Summary: “Oh come on,” Joe says, glancing back at him. “I’m sure there’s nothing in here that I haven’t seen before.” He tugs open the drawer and pushes a couple things out of the way, quickly finding what he’s looking for. “A-ha!” he says, turning around, lube in his hand. “Ben, are you sexually active?” he asks, walking back over to him. “You can tell me, you know. Do you use protection? Also, what was that thing in there? Do you use that on him or does he use it on you?”It seems like Ben's never even considered that Gwil would want to bottom, and Gwil doesn't know how to bring it up, until he does, and Ben doesn't know how to react. They decide to take advice from Rami and Joe, who both suggest the same certain shop by Ben's flat.(takes place around September 2040, but that's not super-relevant to the plot)
Relationships: Ben Hardy/Gwilym Lee, Rami Malek/Joe Mazzello
Series: and the night followed day, and the story tellers say [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1438129
Comments: 42
Kudos: 50





	you say it's enough (in fact it's too much)

For the longest time after Gwil and Rami came back (or at least it felt long at the time, and then Gwil remembers that he and Ben shagged for the first time just three months after their return), Gwil had put all thoughts of sex out of his mind. He certainly had no interest in touching himself when he was locked up in his room in crew quarters, crying his eyes out and filling out sleep journals. It took until he and Rami were moved into their flat in Perth before Gwil even contemplated using his fingers on himself. The first time he tried it, one day in the shower when Rami and Joe were out, he’d ended up sobbing. It was one of those times that it really hit him, that _oh_ , he really would never see Roger again. He was gone. Their relationship was over. Gwil was alone. And he hadn’t really tried it again since. He’d bought the lube when he was in Cologne, and thought about it, but he’d always just ended up stroking himself until he came, imagining Ben around him.

When he and Ben had first slept together, that day in July that Gwil tries not to revisit, there’d never been any doubt about what was going to happen. Hell, Ben had said it out loud, that he wanted Gwil to fuck him. It had been a little less explicit their second time, which Gwil likes to think of as their actual first time, but still, it was clear: Gwil would top.

Which obviously Gwil is fine with. More than fine. He loves the feeling of pressing into Ben, how Ben opens up around him. How Ben’s back arches up as Gwil thrusts inside him, the way he clutches at him, and god yes, the noises, of course. Bloody hell, there isn’t anything that can beat the noises. Gwil hadn’t been afraid to make a bit of noise when he was being fucked either, but god, Ben is impossible to beat in that regard.

But now that they’re long-settled in with each other, familiar with the way the other’s body works, the spots that make them cry out, the touches that can make them come almost instantly, Gwil’s mind has started to wander a bit. Not away from Ben, god no, but just…to the other things that he and Ben could be doing together. The other ways that Ben could be touching him.

Because honestly, it hits him like a bloody truck one day: he misses having a cock in his arse and he’s not really sure what he can do about it.

He could ask Ben, of course, and they really have been working on their communication, but they’ve never broached the subject, not once. Not much of their sexual history has ever come up, honestly. Which doesn’t surprise Gwil; at least, he’s not surprised that Ben’s not eager to talk about Paul, and whatever they may have done together. He can’t imagine he’d be wanting to share stories about shagging his abusive ex either (and Gwil can just only hope that Ben’s silence on the matter isn't hiding something more serious). And no, he supposes it doesn’t really surprise him that Ben hasn’t asked about what sex with Roger was like; god knows Ben doesn’t need yet another thing to compare himself to Roger on. But Ben’s never asked how many people there were before Roger. He’s never asked if Gwil ever slept with a woman, or if it was only men. Ben has no idea how old Gwil was when he lost his virginity. And so far, it seems like Ben has no idea that Gwil also likes to get fucked.

And at this point, after months together, Gwil’s not really sure how to bring it up.

So of course he brings it up one night without even thinking about it. He just thanks god that Joe wasn’t there because he’s sure he would’ve gotten an earful about what an idiot he is.

Gwil leans up, kissing Ben as his hands grip at his back, pulling him down closer to him. He lets one hand drag down Ben’s back, to his hips, where he stops for a moment, before it slides down over Ben’s joggers to grip at his ass. 

Ben rocks down against Gwil, one hand on Gwil’s cheek, holding him close, the other balancing himself on the sofa. He pulls back to laugh a bit when Gwil groans loudly beneath him, then wets his lips and leans back in to kiss him again. 

“Ben,” Gwil gasps, pulling back, and Ben leans in to kiss him again, following his mouth with his. Gwil lets his mouth fall open to Ben’s tongue, and they kiss for a few moments more before Gwil pulls back again. “Ben,” he pants softly, reaching up to push Ben’s hair back from his forehead. “Ben, do you wanna fuck me?” he asks.

“Yes,” Ben moans, kissing Gwil’s throat, their hips rocking together, “yes, Gwil, fuck me.” He pushes himself up reach between them to start undoing Gwil’s trousers, and Gwil reaches out, his hands on Ben’s to stop him. “What's wrong?” Ben asks.

“Ben,” Gwil says, looking up at him, “I asked if you wanted to fuck _me_.” He wets his lips, watching Ben’s reaction.

“Oh,” Ben says, settling back a bit. “Oh, I…” He swallows hard.

“Have you ever done that before, love?” Gwil asks, and Ben shakes his head. “Have you ever wanted to?” he asks.

“I don’t know,” Ben says. “I’ve never really, well, uh.” He shifts on Gwil’s lap, taking a deep breath.

“It’s alright, if you don’t want to, love,” Gwil says, “I just thought maybe you’d…want to try.”

“Do you want me to?” Ben asks softly, sliding his fingertips just up under Gwil’s shirt, curling gently into his stomach.

“I’d love it,” Gwil says, smiling up at him, “but not if you’re not enjoying it.” He reaches up to draw Ben back down into a kiss, licking gently at his lips, moaning softly against him. He reaches back with one hand, bracing himself against the sofa, pushing himself up until they’re sitting up, Ben on his lap, clutching at him. “Take this off, love,” he murmurs, pushing at Ben’s hoodie.

“Oh, uh, alright,” Ben says, pulling back a bit, grasping at the hem.

“Unless you don’t want to,” Gwil says quickly, because still, even after months together, he doesn’t know how Ben will react to it. “Just— whatever you want.”

“No point in keeping it on,” Ben says, tugging it over his head. He looks down nervously. “You’ve already seen me without. I just—”

“It’s alright, love,” Gwil says. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have mentioned it.” He kisses Ben again, and takes the hoodie from him, dropping it on the floor. He pulls back and then tugs off his own shirt, now regretting bringing up two things tonight. 

Ben wraps his arms around Gwil’s shoulders, pulling him in, tugging him close as they keep kissing. Ben groans, pushing himself up a bit, so that he’s leaning down to kiss Gwil. He pushes his fingers through Gwil's hair, clutching at him. He shivers when Gwil runs his hands up his back, then moves them back down to settle on his waist. “Gwil,” Ben moans, pulling back.

“Fuck, I love you,” Gwil murmurs, ducking his head to kiss Ben’s chest.

“Uh-huh,” Ben whimpers as he nods.

Gwil looks up at him, wetting his lips. “Ben?” he asks. “What do you want right now?” he asks.

Ben swallows nervously, looking down at him. “I…I’m not sure,” he says softly.

“Do you want to fuck me?” Gwil asks, kissing Ben’s chest again.

Ben makes a quiet sound, biting down on his lip. “I…did you do that a lot, back…with…Roger?” he asks.

Gwil swallows hard, and then nods. “Yeah, sometimes,” he says finally, happy that at least it’s out now, even if Ben says no. “Every once in awhile,” he clarifies. Though he’s really not sure if that’s true or not.

“So, if I say no,” Ben says, “you’ll…well, you’ll miss it. And then you’ll be angry with me.”

Gwil shakes his head, and tries not to groan in frustration. With himself, not Ben. He didn’t think, but he guesses that he should have, that Ben would find a way to be insecure about this too. “No, I won’t, Ben,” he says. “That’s— that’s not what I’m saying at all, love.”

“I don’t know,” Ben says softly, and he pushes himself off Gwil’s lap, dropping down onto the sofa. He reaches down to grab his hoodie off the floor; he doesn’t put it back on, but he holds it up to his chest, folding his arms around it. Gwil sighs, settling back against the sofa, looking over at him. Ben glances at Gwil, then looks back down, tightening his hold around the hoodie.

Gwil smiles at him, trying to make him feel better. He playfully stretches his legs out over Ben’s lap. Ben looks up but doesn’t smile back. “What are you thinking about?" Gwil asks, and Ben shrugs, distracting himself with one of Gwil's legs, fingers dancing over it.

"I don't know,” Ben says, eyes flicking up. “I…” He bites down on his lip, then shifts next to him. “Don’t think that’s how I was expecting tonight to go.”

“Right,” Gwil says softly, nodding. “I— I shouldn’t have just asked like that. I should’ve— not in the heat of the moment, I should’ve told you another time.”

Ben looks down at Gwil’s legs again. “Do you not like fucking me?” he asks.

Gwil can’t help but laugh, though he immediately realizes that that’s the wrong reaction. “I think we both know that’s not true, love,” he says. “I…quite obviously love it.”

“I’ve never really pictured you on bottom,” Ben says. “Not that— I mean, obviously…Joe’s told me…probably more than I want to know. Obviously I _know_ people switch, and that’s— I just didn’t think you did, is all. That’s…just surprised.”

Gwil nods, and can’t really think of another thing to say. He thinks the moment’s passed, that’s for sure. He knows that Ben thinks so too, when he tugs his hoodie back on. He sighs gently, and can’t help but feel sort of guilty as he reaches down to pick up his own shirt off the floor, pulling it back on. Roger had never minded, he’d loved pushing Gwil onto the mattress and— Gwil curls his fingers, and quickly blinks the thought away. He’s done comparing Roger to Ben; it’s caused enough trouble already, and if Ben doesn’t want to top, Gwil’s certainly not going to make him.

“Do you want to watch a film?” he finds himself asking, and Ben nods, so Gwil swings his legs off Ben’s lap, and sits up, giving him a quick kiss on the forehead as he walks towards the kitchen. “I’ll make us some popcorn,” he says quietly. 

Well, at least he said something.

The night never really settles back into the way it was before their conversation, and though Gwil thinks that Ben had originally planned on staying over, Ben politely says goodnight and leaves after the film. Gwil asks if Ben is alright to walk home alone, and Ben just smiles and nods, giving him a quick kiss, saying he’ll text when he gets home.

Gwil stays up until he gets the text, and then he gets ready for bed. There’s a familiar feeling twisting in his gut, and he manages to ignore it for about five minutes before he kicks his boxers off, reaching out to grab his lube from his nightstand. It's been so long, even one finger feels like a stretch, so when he comes, tightening around the three fingers curling inside him, hand slick with lube, for a moment it feels like his heart has stopped. Fuck, he thinks, panting heavily. He’s missed that.

\+ + + + +

“Joe!”

“Yes, my love?” 

Ben walks into the living room, rolling his eyes. “Rami said you’ve got a library book due back.”

Joe groans. “It’s upstairs,” he whines, looking back at the staircase. Then he looks back at Ben and winks.

“Get it yourself, you lazy arse,” Ben says. He turns and starts walking back towards the front door. “Now, or I tell your fiancé.”

“Tell your fiancé what?” Joe hears Rami ask. Then Joe turns and looks at Gwil. 

“Hey big guy,” Joe starts, “did I ever tell you—”

“I’ll get it,” Gwil says, shaking his head a bit, and Joe grins down at Augie, who’s curled up on his lap.

“Oh man, Augie,” he says softly, “they’re all so whipped. They love me!”

“Where is it, actually?” Gwil calls down from the staircase.

“Nightstand!” Joe calls back. “On the right.”

Gwil walks into Joe and Rami’s room, not bothering with the light, there’s plenty of sun streaming in through the window. He walks over to the nightstand on the right and tugs open the drawer, immediately reaching out his hand to grab the book that takes him a second to realize isn’t there. That’s not a book, that’s…

Gwil gently clears his throat and closes the drawer, not really wanting to think about it any further. He’s not bothered by it, god knows it looks similar enough to things he and Roger had owned before, if just a bit upgraded. He just…fuck.

He looks around, and walks around the bed to the other nightstand. Joe’s nightstand, that would be on the right, if you were in the bed. He opens the drawer and reaches in, grabbing the book. He walks out of the room, and heads back down the stairs. He walks past Joe and heads towards the front door, where Rami and Ben are waiting, quietly chatting. “Here,” Gwil says, handing the book out to Rami.

“Oh, Gwil,” Rami says, “you didn’t have to, Joe’s perfectly capable.”

Gwil just smiles, and then leans in, giving Ben a quick kiss. “See you later, love,” he says. As odd as it might be that he and Ben just haven’t addressed their conversation from a few days ago, Gwil’s not going to let it bother him. Nothing has to change.

“Bye,” Ben says, smiling back as Rami grins happily at them both.

Gwil gives them a wave and then walks back into the living room, dropping down on the sofa next to Joe. He should just leave it, he knows, and there’s no reason at all he has to say a word. So he’s sort of surprised even with himself when he says, “it was on the left.”

“Huh?” Joe asks, looking up from Augie.

“The book was on the left,” Gwil says, not able to look Joe, watching the baseball game highlights on the television instead. “Not the right.”

“Oh, sorry,” Joe says, shrugging. He makes a face at Augie, playfully shaking his paw, laughing when Augie meows and then stretches out, and then he looks up. “Oh,” he says again, tone different now. “Uh, yeah, sorry.”

Gwil shifts a bit on the sofa, and just shrugs. “No worries,” he says, “just thought you’d…want to know, in case…” He trails off, shaking his head. He can’t really think of a lie. In case your family comes to visit and they need to get a library book out of your room? That seems unlikely.

Joe looks over at Gwil. “Are you like, offended?” he asks. “Because, I gotta say, if you’re a gay dude coming to a bi dude and—”

“No, I’m not offended,” Gwil says, shaking his head a bit. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said anything, I— I’m sorry.” He looks down at his lap, picking at his thumbnail.

“Oh,” Joe says after a few moments. “I _see_.”

Gwil looks up, and is surprised to see Joe smiling at him. “See what?” he asks.

“You’re interested!” Joe exclaims, reaching out to clap Gwil on the shoulder, then he immediately drops his hand back down again when Augie jumps on his lap. “No, come on boy, go back to sleep, Daddy’s sorry,” he says, smoothing his hand down Augie’s back. “Shh, it’s okay, I’m sorry.”

Gwil smiles faintly at that, not for the first time thinking that Joe is so sweet with Augie; when he has an actual child, he’s going to be an amazing father. That thought immediately exits his mind when Joe looks back up at him and announces, “so, vibrators!”

“Uh, beg pardon?” Gwil asks.

“The thing, in Rami’s nightstand,” Joe says. “On the _right_. It’s a vibrator.”

“Oh,” Gwil says. “Uh…right.”

“I’m going to assume you can guess what it’s for,” Joe says, “seeing as how you’re a sexually active adult and all.”

“Yes, I did— it…well, it looks like one,” Gwil says. He nods, drumming his hands on his thighs a couple times.

“A what?” Joe asks, then playfully nudges Gwil.

“Alright, stop it,” Gwil says, “I shouldn’t have brought it up, I’m sorry.”

“Dude, I’m joking,” Joe says. “I know you know what a dick is. You’re familiar with them.”

Gwil nods, looking back at the television, trying to avoid the way Joe’s looking at him. He shouldn’t have said anything, he doesn’t know why he said anything, except he does, he knows exactly why he didn’t keep his mouth shut, it’s because he’s hoping Joe will say—

“Do you…” Joe shrugs, “did you have sex toys back then?”

 _Not that_ , Gwil thinks. “Yeah, they— you could get them. If you knew where to look.”

“Dude, I know that,” Joe says, “Rami already told me. I mean, did _you_ have sex toys back then?”

“Oh,” Gwil says. “Uh…yes.” He nods jerkily, drumming his fingers nervously again.

Joe grins. “Did you take them with you on the Mercury?”

Gwil shakes his head. “No, of course not,” he says. “We could only take what was approved. A bloke with a— well, that sort of thing wouldn’t have been…”

“Approved?” Joe says.

Gwil smiles faintly. “Right,” he says softly.

“Yeah,” Joe says. “Homophobia fucking sucks, huh.”

“Yeah.”

Joe nods. “So,” he says. He reaches down, pushing at Augie’s mouth until he’s baring one of his teeth, and Joe smiles. He looks back up at Gwil. “Do you have one now?” he asks.

Gwil looks over at Joe, swallowing hard, and then he shakes his head. “I didn’t…know that sort of— _vibrator_? I didn’t…wouldn’t know where to go.”

“Well, online, mostly,” Joe says. “But there are stores. Oh, there’s one by that French restaurant we went to, by Ben’s.”

Gwil nods slowly. “Uh, yeah, brilliant that,” he says.

“Yeah, great food,” Joe says. “Wasn’t it, Augie? Wasn’t that good food? Yes, Daddy, it was.” He looks up again, smiling at Gwil. “We don’t have to talk about it, because I don’t know what your comfort level here is, so I’m just going to keep playing with Augie.”

Gwil has to smile at that, also reaching out to pet the cat, who’s absolutely basking in all the attention he’s getting. “I don’t— if you didn’t know Ben,” he says, “I might feel more comfortable talking about it, but since you do, it’s sort of…I don’t want to…offend you. Or him.”

“Well, I am _pretty_ hard to offend,” Joe says, “so don’t worry about that.”

“I suppose that’s true,” Gwil says.

“I’m guessing Ben doesn’t own a vibrator,” Joe says.

Gwil’s eyes widen a bit. “Uh, no, I— not that I know of, anyway.”

“Yeah, probably not,” Joe says. “I definitely would’ve heard about it when we were sharing a bed and all.” He grins, looking over at Gwil. “I— you good?” he asks.

Gwil nods. “Are they…expensive?” he asks.

“Oh, not really,” Joe says. “I don’t know, fifty quid? You can always spend more though. Just depends. And make sure you get silicone. Easier to clean, better for you.”

“Oh, sure,” Gwil says casually, as if this is how he expected the day to go when he showed up at Rami and Joe’s flat a couple hours ago.

“Anyway, just a thought,” Joe says. “Did you want to watch something other than baseball?” he asks.

Gwil shakes his head. “No, this is fine.”

“Cool,” Joe says. “And…you’re sure you’re not offended, right? Because if you are—”

“No,” Gwil says, shaking his head, “I’m not offended.”

“Good. But can you also not mention it to Rami?” Joe asks. “We’re not ashamed, you know, but he’s…shy sometimes. I think him knowing you saw that might make him…blush. Ha.”

“I wouldn’t,” Gwil says.

“Okay, cool then,” Joe says. He sighs, stretching out a bit. “I’d offer you food and drink and stuff but Augie’s on my lap and…I just can’t, so.”

Gwil laughs softly. “I would never make him move.” He smiles down at Augie. “I’m fine, thank you.”

“Okay,” Joe says. He nods slowly, and they sit there for a few more moments in silence before Joe looks over at Gwil again. “Maybe it’d be a fun date night,” he says.

“Hmm?” Gwil asks. “What would, sorry.”

“Shopping,” Joe says. “You know. At the store. Near the French restaurant. By Ben’s.”

“Oh,” Gwil says. “I…” He sort of likes the idea of it— maybe not that actually going to the shop part, but the having it part. And in particular, the _using_ it part. He shifts on the sofa, and tries not betray his thoughts to Joe. “Can you imagine Ben in a shop like that?” he says instead. “I— I don’t think so.”

Joe shrugs. “Fair enough,” he says. “But you never know, maybe he’d surprise you.”

Gwil’s eyes widen a bit. It _would_ be a surprise if he could get Ben anywhere near a shop that sells that sort of thing. Then he frowns, thinking. What other sorts of things does it sell? Maybe Ben wouldn’t want the thing— _vibrator_ in Rami’s drawer, but maybe there are other things. Gwil’s not sure what they would be like, but if there’s an entire shop, there must be more than just one thing.

Maybe Ben would surprise Gwil.

Or maybe Gwil could surprise Ben.

\+ + + + +

Rami walks down the steps of the library, hurrying back to Ben, who’s waiting on the sidewalk for him. “Thanks, sorry about that,” he says.

Ben shakes his head. “No trouble,” he says, handing Rami’s tea back over to him. They start walking again, and Rami looks over at him.

“How are you?” he asks.

Ben nods, looking over at Rami. “Fine, yeah,” he says. “How are you?”

Rami smiles. “Well, thank you.” He takes a sip of his tea, then looks at Ben again. “Are you really alright?”

Ben looks at Rami, mouth hanging open just a bit. “I…are you joking?” he asks. “What, is it written on my forehead or something?”

“No,” Rami says, “I just know you well enough.”

Ben has to smile at that, even just faintly. “That’s…well, I do sort of like that,” he says. “But,” he swallows. “It’s nothing.”

“Is that why you left Joe and Gwil alone in my flat to run errands with me?” Rami asks.

“Well, we’re mates, aren’t we?” Ben asks. “I— there’s no reason you should have to do it alone. I don’t have to be around Gwil _all_ the time, I just—”

“I love your company, Ben,” Rami says, “don’t get me wrong. It’s just that it’s rarely just the two of us.” Ben nods, taking a sip of his own drink. “Is something wrong?” Rami asks.

Ben bites down on his lip, and then shakes his head a bit. “No, not really,” he says. He looks over at Rami. “I can’t talk to Joe about it,” he says. “He’ll just turn it into…a thing.”

“And Gwil?” Rami asks.

Ben sighs a bit. “I think I made a mess of things,” he says.

“I doubt that,” Rami says, “otherwise Gwil would have called me up right after, crying and blaming himself.” Ben smiles at that. “Do you want to talk about it?” Rami asks. “Or do you just need someone to be around?”

“It’s a bit embarrassing, is all,” Ben says. “Which is…part of the problem, honestly.” Rami looks at him, a brief look of confusion on his face. “Do you— what I mean to say is, uh…” Ben blows out a breath, reaching up to scratch at the back of his head a couple times. “Well, uh, the thing is that…” He looks over at Rami, who’s just watching him with a patient smile on his face. “When you and J— or, uh, when _you_ …” Ben groans, shaking his head. “You know what, never mind.”

Rami laughs softly. “Can I guess what it’s about?” he asks.

Ben sighs. “I think you could probably figure it out, based on the mess I'm making of this conversation.”

“Sex?” Rami asks.

Ben nods. “Yeah, that.”

“Oh, okay!” Rami says. “What about?”

Ben smiles despite himself, because Rami just sounds so excited to have someone else to talk to about it. “Uh…it’s personal—”

“Oh,” Rami says, sounding a bit disappointed.

“Oh, no,” Ben says quickly. “I mean, it’s personal, so I understand if you don’t want to talk about it.”

“Oh, I do,” Rami says. “At least, I probably do. There’s— well, I’m not saying I’m…what do you want to talk about?”

“When you and Joe,” Ben says, shaking his head a bit. “What I mean is, you two…switch, don’t you?”

“Switch,” Rami echoes softly. “Oh, yes! We do.”

“A lot?” Ben asks.

Rami shrugs. “Hmm, I mean, Joe’s on top more, but I am pretty regularly, I guess.” He takes a drink, and then looks over at Ben. “Have you ever been on top?” Ben shakes his head. “Oh. Well, that’s alright. Do you want to be?” he asks.

“Oh,” Ben says, “uh…”

“You don’t have to answer that,” Rami says.

“Gwil just told me that Roger used to top,” Ben says.

“Oh,” Rami says. “He…did. Sometimes. Roger said as much. But you don’t have to worry about that! Ben, you’re not Roger. And if you don’t want to, I’m sure Gwil understands.” He looks at Ben. “I think I know, but how many people have you…”

“Just two,” Ben says quietly.

“Right,” Rami says softly. “And I’m sure Paul…well. I’m sure Gwil doesn’t mind.”

Ben shakes his head. “I just— I think Gwil’s really upset with me.”

“Why?” Rami asks.

Ben shrugs. “I don’t know, just a feeling, I think. I sort of…ran off, afterwards. Not right away, but we didn’t…it was awkward after, and I left.”

“I’m sure he’s not upset,” Rami says. “He’s probably worried a bit, that maybe he pushed things too far.”

Ben nods slowly, unsure of what else to say. He wants to apologize for now making things awkward with Rami, but he knows Rami wouldn’t accept it. Ben also doesn’t think that it’s _actually_ awkward, he just always feels like he has to apologize for things. “Do you like it?” he asks after a few moments, giving Rami a hesitant look.

Rami nods. “Sure,” he says. “I was surprised, when Joe and I were first together, he thought I’d want to be on top. I never dreamed of it! Then on his birthday last year, when I—” He stops talking, and then rolls his lips into his mouth, trying not to smile.

“Oh my god, Rami,” Ben groans, and Rami starts to laugh. “On my bloody sofa!”

“I— wha— it can’t be any worse that I was on top,” Rami says. “I’m still sorry! We really should’ve stayed in a hotel.”

“I— I still use that sofa, Rami,” Ben says.

“And we used towels!” Rami exclaims.

Ben just shakes his head, and then he starts to laugh as well. “Fine. _Fine_. So the first time you were on top, Joe’s birthday, my flat. Is that it?” Rami nods. “What did you think?” he asks.

“Well, I liked it, if that’s what you mean,” Rami says. “Still do.” He takes another drink. “What are you scared of?”

“I don’t know that I’m _scared_ ,” Ben says. “I mean, I’m certainly not going to hurt him.” He gives Rami a knowing look. “I just…well, I just haven’t, before. And I don’t really like new things.”

“Right,” Rami says. “I know— well, I don’t know what it feels like for you, because I’m sure Paul…” Ben looks down. “But Gwil’s not Paul.”

“I know,” Ben says. “I trust Gwil.”

“I know,” Rami says, “and I’m just…if you don’t want to, that’s fine, you know? I— I don’t like certain things that maybe Joe does, but that’s okay. We compromise. Or just don't do them.”

“But if I don’t do it,” Ben says, “he’s just— what? Never going to get fucked again? He’ll get so bored of me, Rami, he’ll—”

“Don’t think like that, Ben,” Rami says. “You _just_ said you trusted him. Just— why don’t you want to do it? Like I was saying, if you actually don’t want to, don’t! You shouldn’t have to. But if you do want to, but you’re scared, or nervous, that’s….that’s something you can work on. And get more comfortable with. Right? If you’re just worried you’ll be _bad_ at it, well…there’s just one thing for that.” He smiles at Ben. “Practice. In case you didn’t get it.”

“I got it, Rami,” Ben says.

“Okay, good,” Rami says. 

“And I don’t _know_ what it is,” Ben says. “I just— I get nervous, when I think about it. Fucking it up somehow.”

“You do know that Joe was the first person I slept with,” Rami says. “ _Ever_. How bloody nervous do you think I was?”

“Right,” Ben says softly. Sometimes he gets so wrapped up in his own thoughts and insecurities that he forgets that he’s not the only one with them.

“Though,” Rami says after a few moments, “I think it’s easier for me, because I know Joe’s not embarrassed by anything. Ever. So what if I accidentally slip, or— or say something weird? Or make a strange noise. Whatever it is, Joe’ll say something worse. Probably at dinner the next day.”

Ben laughs at that. “Well, that is Joe for you,” he says. “You picked him. For some bloody reason. God only knows.”

“I love him,” Rami says. “He’s kind, and he’s funny, and he’s smart, and he’s a good person.”

Ben blinks a couple times, looking over at Rami. “Yeah, he is,” he says.

Rami grins. “Exactly,” he says. “And he’s _really_ good in bed.”

Ben laughs loudly at that, trying not to spray his drink everywhere. “God, Rami!”

“That’s what Joe sounds like too!” Rami says, and Ben laughs again, shaking his head. “Just— I just— I don’t know what’s in your head, Ben,” Rami says. “But if it’s that you’re nervous you’ll mess up, or do something Gwil won’t like, he— he’ll…he’s not going to hurt you, you know.”

“I know,” Ben says softly. They walk quietly together for a bit longer, before Rami stops where he is, looking at Ben. “What?” Ben asks. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing!” Rami says. “I just had the most brilliant idea in the history of brilliant ideas.”

“Wow,” Ben says softly. “Well, alright. That’s…it must be pretty great, then.”

“Have you ever used a vibrator?” Rami asks, and Ben’s mouth falls open a bit as he stares at him. “Or a prostate massager. Or something like that.”

“God, Rami,” Ben says, shaking his head, “you’re not— you’re not nearly as innocent as I thought you were.” Rami shrugs. “And…no,” he says. “To answer your question.”

“Maybe you should,” Rami says. “Just…if you’re not comfortable with being on top with Gwil. You could, well, you could buy one of those. For him to use.”

Judging by the look on Rami’s face, something clicks into place for Ben. “You bought one for Joe, didn’t you,” he says flatly, and Rami immediately smiles, and shrugs, turning away as he takes a drink of his tea. “I can’t deal with that kind of information,” Ben groans. 

“It’s just a suggestion,” Rami says. “What could it hurt? If Gwil’s anything like Joe—”

Ben draws a sharp breath, because he’s immediately aware that he’s about to hear some piece of information he doesn’t need to hear about Rami and Joe’s sex life.

“Then having you watch him use a vibrator will be almost as good as you fucking him yourself.”

Ben just blinks. He expects this sort of thing from Joe, but _Rami_? God, it’s almost too much to bear. Rami was supposed to be the sweet one. And Joe’s gone and bloody corrupted him.

“What do you think?” Rami asks, breaking Ben from his thoughts.

“I, uh,” Ben shakes his head a bit. “I— what, where do you even get one?”

“Oh, there’s a shop near your flat,” Rami says. “By the French restaurant we went to. Remember?”

“Oh, right,” Ben says. He sighs, shaking his head again. “I…mean, well, I do like— that doesn’t sound as awful. I guess. And Gwil might like it.”

“See!” Rami says. “It’s like a compromise. And once you see what he looks like, maybe you’ll want to do it yourself.”

 _Oh_ , Ben thinks. He hadn’t really taken the time to imagine what Gwil would look like, or god, what he would _sound_ like. Gwil’s not that loud during sex. Ben is more whining and incoherent rambling, while Gwil’s usually in pretty good control of his words. But maybe it would be different if…

Ben swallows hard. Maybe Rami’s right, he decides. What could it hurt?

\+ + + + +

“So why French?” Gwil asks Ben.

“Hmm?”

Gwil smiles over at him, reaching out to grasp his hand as they walk out of the French restaurant near Ben's flat. “You had to be bilingual for work, you picked French. Why?”

“Hmm,” Ben says, “parce-que je pense la France est un beau pays, et je voulais…impressionner les beaux hommes. Comme toi.”

Gwil looks at Ben, who’s smirking at him. “I don’t— god, I don’t know,” he says, starting to laugh a bit. “Will you translate?”

“Hmm, non,” Ben says, shaking his head. “But dinner was delicious. Délicieux.”

“Oui,” Gwil says, and Ben laughs.

“Parfait,” Ben says, leaning up to give Gwil a quick kiss. 

Gwil smiles, and then his footsteps stutter a bit as he glances at the display in the shop window they're passing.

“What?” Ben asks, glancing at the window. “Oh,” he says.

“What…sort of shop is this,” Gwil says, trying to sound casual, looking at Ben, wondering if he can hear his heart about to beat out of his chest.

“Uh,” Ben reaches up, scratching the back of his head, “it’s a…sex shop, I guess. Never noticed it before.” He swallows hard, and then looks away.

“A sex shop?” Gwil repeats, and Ben nods. “Like, for lube? And condoms?”

“I’m sure they’ve got them,” Ben says. “And then some.”

“Oh,” Gwil says, nodding. “Uh…have you been in one before?”

Ben shrugs. “Sure,” he says, “when I was younger and it was a funny thing to do with your mates.” Gwil looks at him, waiting. “And…maybe Joe dragged me into one once.”

Gwil grins at that image. “I— well, I don’t want to— let’s go home then, love, yeah?” he says.

“Do you want to go in?” Ben asks, squeezing Gwil’s hand. “We can, it’s al— alright, I don’t mind.”

“We don’t have to, love,” Gwil says, but Ben shakes his head a bit.

“No, come on,” Ben says, starting to walk towards the door. “I’m…whatever I am, but I’m not a prude.”

Gwil smiles as Ben opens the door, and they step into the shop.

“Hi, welcome,” the woman behind the counter says to them both, and Ben nods and gives her a polite wave, and Gwil says hello back. They walk a few steps further into the store, and Gwil blinks a couple times.

“Wow,” he says, “that’s…”

Ben glances over. “Oh, vagina lollipops,” he says, nodding. “Right. Uh…” He glances at Gwil. “Are we looking for anything?”

“I don’t know,” Gwil says softly, reaching out to gently run his fingers over the fabric of a negligee, and then he guilty drops his hand back down to his side once he remembers they’re not just in a regular clothing store. Now that he’s here, he feels a bit more overwhelmed than he thought he would. There is something to look at _everywhere_. The walls are covered in more things than he could ever imagine. Even if he knew what he was looking for, which he definitely does not, he has no idea how you’d ever find anything in there, other than by luck or chance.

“Can I help you find anything?” the woman asks, and Ben and Gwil look at each other. “That display over there are the sale items,” she says, and Ben shrugs, walking over. 

He scans the display, and then laughs softly, reaching out taking an item off the shelf. “A penis extender,” he says, holding it up to Gwil. He smirks, looking Gwil up and down. “Not sure we need one of those,” he says, putting it back.

Gwil looks at the woman, who’s obviously heard, and he blushes a bit while also feeling a bit proud.

Ben looks around, and then reaches out for Gwil’s hand again, starting to walk towards the back of the shop. “The best bits are usually in the back,” he says quietly, leading Gwil. He swallows hard as they approach the large section of vibrators and dildos, and he looks over at Gwil. “Did you…are you sure we’re not looking for something?” he asks.

“Did you want something?” Gwil asks, surprised.

Ben doesn’t say anything, just looks at a display of a range of vibrators, and then frowns, reaching out to press a button beside one of the signs. He steps back and his cheeks redden immediately as they both realize that it’s an audio ad for one of the vibrators that starts with a woman loudly moaning.

“Bloody hell,” Gwil mutters. He glances over at Ben, and feels even more out of place than he did before. “Let’s go home, love,” he says.

Ben glances over at Gwil. “That was a bit of shock, wasn’t it,” he says.

Gwil laughs softly. “I wasn’t expecting it, no,” he says. He turns, and his eyes catch on a different display. He steps forward, and his eyes widen a bit when he reads the sign. He’s never heard of this before, but he figures out pretty quickly how it works. He thinks. He reaches up, finding two buttons on the base of the display model, and then he pushes one. The toy immediately begins moving back and forth, looking sort of like… 

Gwil looks down at his fingers, and gently curls them. He looks up when Ben walks over, standing next to him, their arms brushing. 

“That’s…” Ben reaches out, running his fingers over the blue silicone, and then turns it off. “A prostate massager.” He looks at the gold circular item on display next to it; the remote, he thinks.

“That’s, uh,” Gwil swallows hard. “Wha— what do you think, love?”

Ben raises his eyebrows in surprise. “What do _I_ think?” he repeats.

Gwil nods. “Uh, yeah,” he says, “if you— would you ever use something like…that?”

Ben turns back, looking at the display. “I don’t know,” he says, “I…would you?” he asks.

“Me?” Gwil asks. Ben nods. “You mean, on you?”

Ben shakes his head. “No, I meant on you.”

“Oh,” Gwil says. He shifts on his feet a couple times. “I—”

“It was Rami’s idea,” Ben says suddenly, and Gwil frowns.

“Beg pardon?” Gwil asks.

“I told him,” Ben says, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have, I know— we should be more private, but I didn’t know who else to talk to, although I realize now I probably could have just talked to you. But Rami said that maybe I— we should come here. I’m not— I don’t know that I can…but we could buy something like this. Or something else. And you could use it. And I could watch, and…help.” He lets out a breath, blinking up at Gwil a couple times. Then Gwil starts to laugh. “Oh, that’s bloody perfect,” Ben says, shaking his head and stepping back. “Gwil, I’m not like you, it’s not as easy for me to just open up and now you’re _laugh_ —”

“It’s not that, love,” Gwil says quickly, reaching out to take Ben’s hand. “It’s not. I swear. It’s— it’s Joe.”

Ben makes a face. “What’s Joe?” he asks.

“Joe told me to bring you here,” Gwil says. “I— I saw…in their room. A—” He gestures over at the display. “A vibrator, or whatever. And Joe…I asked Joe about it.”

“Bloody hell,” Ben says, “those two aren’t shy about their private lives, are they?” He shakes his head a bit. “I know this might not be a proper conversation for a sex shop,” he says, “but I am sorry.”

“For what?” Gwil asks.

“How I acted,” Ben says. “You— well, you asked me to— and even if I didn’t want to, I shouldn’t have behaved so—”

“I shouldn’t have brought it up like that,” Gwil says. “I— we should’ve talked about it when we were both ready and knew it was coming. Not when I was trying to get you undressed. Not much warning.”

“Right,” Ben nods. “Well, I’m sorry anyway.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Gwil says. He leans in and gives Ben a quick, but gentle kiss. “I'm sorry I just…sprung it on you.”

Ben nods, and then they both turn back to look at the display model again. He bites down on his lip and then reaches out to touch it. “If you wanted to,” he says finally, “we could try.”

Gwil shifts a bit on his feet. “Do you want to?” he asks.

Ben looks up at Gwil, and then blinks a couple times. “I— we could try,” he says again, and he reaches up, grabbing the box.

\+ + + + +

Gwil smiles as Ben unlocks the door to his flat, following him in. He reaches down, untying his shoes, leaving them by Ben’s door. He takes off his jacket, hanging it up, watching Ben do the same, then he gives Ben another smile. “Rami mentioned going to a museum later this week,” he says casually, taking a step towards Ben.

“Oh?” Ben asks, voice shaking a bit just on that one syllable. Gwil nods. “Yeah, that’s…sure, I’d like that.”

“Maybe the weekend, so Joe can come with us,” Gwil says, taking another step towards him. “And it’s easier to work around Rami’s courses.”

“Yeah,” Ben says, voice barely coming out. He clears his throat. “Yeah, brilliant,” he says, nodding.

“Ben?”

Ben blinks a couple times, nervously glancing away. “Yes?”

Gwil smiles. “Are you alright?” he asks. Ben nods. “If you’re not, I— of course I’m perfectly happy to just…just because we bought that, it doesn’t mean we have to use it tonight, you know? It doesn’t always _have_ to be sex. I’ve slept on your sofa, I’ve—”

“I wouldn’t invite you 'round just to sleep on my sofa, Gwil,” Ben says.

“It’d be alright if you did,” Gwil says. He walks the rest of the way over to Ben, looking down at him. “I’m just saying, it’s alright if you’re nervous.”

“Why would I be nervous?” Ben asks. “I bought it for you to use, not me.”

“ _Ben_ ,” Gwil says, a bit sternly. 

Ben sighs. “Fine, alright, I’m nervous,” he says. “I don’t even know why, it’s— it’s just sex. We’ve shagged before. I— I don’t know. It’s just different is all, I guess.”

“Okay,” Gwil says. He leans in, giving Ben a kiss. “So we’ll take it slow, won’t we?” Ben nods. “Extra slow, because it’s been awhile since I’ve had much up there.” Ben smiles and shakes his head a bit. “Tried my fingers the other night.”

“And?” Ben asks.

“Fucking hell,” Gwil says, and Ben laughs loudly. “So come on, let’s see what that thing can do.”

“Okay,” Ben says. He walks into his bedroom, and thinks about flicking on the lights, but then he walks over and turns on the lamp by his bed instead. He glances back at Gwil, who’s closing the bedroom door, and then he sits down on the bed, taking the box out of the bag. He carefully opens it, and then takes out the remote first, turning it over in his hand, and then sets it down on the bed, taking out the massager itself.

“What are you going to do with that?” Gwil asks.

Ben looks up at him. “Uh, sorry, I thought it was—”

“The remote, I mean,” Gwil says. “Do we need it?”

“Oh,” Ben says. “I…don’t know,” he says. “It’s sort of for you to use on your own, I suppose. But I thought I could…well, tonight, I don’t think we need it,” he says. “I want you to get used to it first.”

“That’s fair,” Gwil nods. “But on another night?”

Ben swallows. “I sort of thought I’d open you with my fingers and then put it in.” He smiles when Gwil sits down next to him. “And I’d— have the remote,” he says, and “I’d get on top of you, and I’d kiss you.”

“I like that,” Gwil says, voice a bit rough.

“Yeah?” Ben asks, and Gwil nods. “Yeah, and I’d— well, I’ve sort of imagined that we’d kiss, while I turn it on, and maybe you touch me, and then I turn it higher, and…”

“And?” Gwil prompts.

Ben huffs a quiet laugh. “Uh, I sort of thought…well, while I’m on top of you, maybe you could finger me while you had it in you, and I’d— turn it up when you fingered me harder.”

“Jesus Christ, Ben,” Gwil grits, and Ben looks at him.

“Sorry,” he says quickly, “is that too much? It is, right, I’m sorry, I—”

“That is _not_ too much,” Gwil says, “bloody hell, I— wow.” He reaches down, adjusting his trousers just a bit. “God, love, tell me you’re hard right now too.”

Ben wets his lips, quickly glancing down. “Might be,” he says. “Getting there, anyway.”

“Yeah?” Gwil asks. “You want to use this now, then?” he asks. “You’re sure?”

Ben nods. “Yeah,” he says, already sounding a bit breathless. “Wouldn’t do it if I wasn’t,” he says.

Gwil grins, picking the box up and setting it back down on the bed, reaching out to grab onto Ben’s waist, pulling him onto his lap.

“Oh!” Ben says in surprise, before settling onto Gwil’s lap. He gives him a quick kiss before starting to unbutton Gwil’s shirt.

“Love,” Gwil says, watching Ben’s fingers. Ben briefly looks up. “Sorry, just…thank you.”

Ben smiles, and leans in, giving Gwil a kiss. “I don’t know what for, but alright.” He shifts a bit on Gwil’s lap, groaning softly when he feels him hard against him. He undoes the final button and starts pushing at Gwil’s shirt. 

Gwil gives him another quick kiss and then shrugs off his shirt, letting it fall to the floor. He smiles, and then kisses Ben again. He rests his hands on Ben’s waist, and then pushes his fingers up under his shirt, starting to take it off. Ben shifts a bit, pulling back so that Gwil can tug his shirt over his head, dropping it to the floor along with his. “Good,” Gwil murmurs, fingers starting to gently dance up over Ben’s stomach. Gwil shifts a bit and ducks down, pressing a kiss to just under Ben’s pec. Then another one to his sternum. He kisses Ben’s neck, and then pulls back, smiling at him. “Ben?” he asks.

“Yeah?”

“Have you ever fingered another bloke before?” Gwil asks.

Ben’s face heats up a bit and he just shakes his head. “No, uh…no. Paul. No.” He swallows. “But obviously, I have myself, you know? I— do you not want me to?”

“I was just asking, love,” Gwil says, “it’s alright.”

“Okay,” Ben says softly. He pushes himself up off Gwil’s lap and walks over to his bedside table, tugging open the drawer and grabbing the lube inside. He looks over to watch Gwil stand up, starting to push down his trousers and his boxer-briefs. Ben’s tongue comes out to wet his lips and he just stands there, holding onto the lube, watching Gwil bend down to tug off his socks, pushing all his clothes into a pile with his feet before he walks to the head of the bed and then sits on the mattress. “Right,” he says, setting the lube down on the bed, before fumbling with his jeans, pushing them down. He pulls off his socks and then climbs onto the mattress, sitting between Gwil’s legs.

Gwil smiles down at him, having propped himself up on a couple pillows, and he reaches his hand out to Ben. Ben smiles back, a bit nervous, and moves up a bit further, leaning down to give Gwil a kiss. 

“Just say,” Ben says softly, opening the lube, spreading some on his first finger. He shifts on his knees, moving closer to Gwil.

“Say what?” Gwil asks, cocking his head to the side.

Ben looks up at him. “Uh, just…if it…isn’t good, I guess,” he says. 

Gwil smiles. “I know, love,” he says. “I’m trying to lighten the mood! You look scared to death.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Ben says. “So, uh, should I…” He shakes his head a bit. “I know what I’m doing,” he says, mostly to himself.

“Do what feels good to you,” Gwil says, “and I’ll tell you if it feels otherwise to me.” He spreads his legs a little wider, and reaches down, stroking himself a couple times with a loose grip.

Ben watches him, and then looks up at Gwil, giving him an awkward smile. “Sorry, it’s just all a bit different from this angle,” he says. He rests one hand on Gwil’s thigh, and then reaches out with the other, smearing some lube across Gwil’s hole before rubbing the pad of his finger against it gently. “That’s alright,” he says quietly, and then he shifts on his knees before pressing forward, pushing into Gwil. He looks up, watching Gwil for a reaction as his finger sinks in.

“That’s alright, love,” Gwil says, shifting on his back a bit, rolling his shoulders.

Ben nods, gently thrusting it in and out a couple times before he curls it upwards. He misses on his first try, struggling a bit with the new angle, and he knows he probably looks like he’s thinking as he searches it out. He’s about to give in and just ask when Gwil groans loudly. Ben looks up at him in surprise, and then feels a bit of smug pride as he curls his finger again, rubbing the pad of his finger against him.

“Oh, god, love,” Gwil groans. “Yes, that’s…yes.”

“It’s okay?” Ben asks.

Gwil nods eagerly. “Probably come in about a minute if you— oh _god_ ,” he moans.

“I wouldn't mind seeing that,” Ben murmurs, and he curls his finger harder, watching Gwil tremble. He glances over at the massager, trying to figure out how much he should stretch Gwil to take it. “Gwil?” he asks.

“Yes,” Gwil pants.

“Uh, sorry,” Ben says, shifting between Gwil’s legs, “just— is one finger enough, or— two, right?”

“Two,” Gwil nods, fingers starting to curl into the sheets, “yes.”

“Okay,” Ben says. “Right, sorry.”

“Ben,” Gwil moans, shifting his hips as his back arches off the mattress a bit. Ben doesn’t say anything, just reaches out to grab the lube again, and then Gwil says his name again, a bit louder.

“Yes?” Ben asks.

“Don’t apologize anymore,” Gwil says, tongue coming out to wet his lips, “nothing’s wrong.”

“Okay,” Ben says softly, looking down as he carefully slides his finger out of Gwil, to spread more lube on it, covering a second finger as well. He bites down on his lip and then shifts on the mattress a bit, lowering himself down between Gwil’s legs. He presses one hand to the inside of Gwil’s thigh, pushing it back a bit. He looks up at Gwil, and then swallows hard. “Gwil?” he asks, voice trembling as he reaches out, gently tracing over Gwil with his fingertips.

“Yes, love,” Gwil says, spreading his legs a bit.

“Can I…” Ben wets his lips, and then moves a bit closer, pressing his lips first to Gwil’s inner thigh, watching him shiver, then to the base of Gwil’s cock, then further down. His tongue comes out again, gently licking over Gwil.

“Oh, god, Ben, yes,” Gwil groans, reaching out with one hand, fingers curling into Ben’s hair, one hand clutching at the bed. “God, yes. Don't stop, a bit more now, oh fuck."

Ben pulls back, smiling a bit smugly, then leans in again, flattening his tongue over Gwil, before starting to press a bit harder. He moans softly and tilts his head, trying to press himself even closer, moaning again, the vibrations making Gwil's muscles clench. He pulls back to wet his lips, and then presses a wet kiss against Gwil before pressing two fingertips against him, pushing them inside. He kisses and gently licks around his fingers, until Gwil relaxes around him and he can push them in further. Ben gently sucks at the skin and then flattens his tongue again, licking around. Ben pushes himself up a bit as he starts to curl his fingers inside Gwil, Gwil’s hand slipping out of his hair to slowly drag down over Ben’s neck and collarbone. He reaches out, taking Gwil’s cock in his hand, stroking him a couple times. “Is it okay?” he asks, and Gwil nods eagerly, groaning.

“Perfect,” Gwil says, voice rough. “Ben, it’s…fuck, god.”

“Okay,” Ben says. He leans down, pressing a kiss to the top of Gwil’s cock, tongue quickly coming out to lick up his precum. He strokes him again, and then lets go to focus on fingering him. “You’re so tight,” he says softly. “I don’t want to hurt you,” he says.

“You won’t,” Gwil says, “it’s alright.” He spreads his legs a bit further, gasping as Ben pushes in a bit harder. “It’s alright, love.”

Ben swallows hard and looks over at the toy, awkwardly reaching out with one hand to grab the massager. He examines the size, wondering if Gwil’s stretched enough. “Just gonna,” he rests the toy on Gwil’s stomach, smiling at him. He grabs the lube again, and carefully slips his fingers out of Gwil, then picks the toy up off his trembling stomach. He shifts on his knees and then squeezes the lube out, watching it run down the toy. He gently smears it over, making sure that the entire thing is covered, and then he looks up at Gwil. “Are you ready?” he asks. “I— tell me if it’s too much, yeah?”

“Of course,” Gwil says, nodding. He shifts on the mattress, pressing his feet flat against the bed, arching up a bit. Ben adds a bit more lube to the top of the toy, and then reaches down with it. Gwil’s breath hitches a bit when the head of the toy presses against him, but he relaxes fairly quickly, and Ben gently starts to push it in.

“Are you alright?” Ben asks.

“Yes,” Gwil says softly, shifting again, taking more of the toy inside him. “Yes, it’s…” He groans softly, toes curling a bit.

Ben smiles faintly, wetting his lips, and then carefully pushes the massager in the rest of the way, the external arm resting against Gwil’s perineum. “How’s it feel?” he asks, gently running his fingers over the buttons on the arm.

Gwil nods. “It’s— ah, it’s right there, alright. Whew. Yes, it’s— it’s alright.”

“Alright,” Ben says. “There are two buttons,” he says, “I’m going to turn it on, okay?” Ben rests his finger on the first button, not pressing it yet. “This one controls the vibrations,” he says. “Might be best to start with that.”

“Yes,” Gwil agrees, his voice barely above a whisper.

Ben presses down on the button and watches as Gwil reacts almost immediately, toes curling as he bites down on his lip to stifle a groan. 

“God,” Gwil says, voice already a bit rougher than usual. “Ah,” he blows out a breath, “ooh, okay. Hah, yes.” He groans, tossing his head around a couple times, rolling his shoulders. “Okay.”

Ben bites down on his lip, reaching down to stroke himself a couple times, palming the head of his cock. “Does it feel good?” he asks.

Gwil lifts his head up a bit, giving Ben a small shaky smile. “Uh-huh,” he says, “yes, it’s…” He whimpers, squeezing his eyes shut. “Yes, that’s…whew, yes, okay. Good, yes, uh-huh,” he nods again. “Ben,” he says softly, fingers curling into the bed, “I…”

“Yes?” Ben asks.

Gwil just shakes his head. “Nothing, I—” he moans softly, “just…your name, love.”

Ben smiles at that, and then shifts, leaning down to press a kiss to Gwil’s stomach, looking up at him. He smoothes his hand over Gwil’s leg before reaching down, fingers searching out the base of the toy, finding the second button. He rests his finger on it, and then looks at Gwil. “Are you ready for more?” he asks. “Only if you’d like.”

“Yes, love,” Gwil says, “I think so.”

“Okay,” Ben says, and he presses down on the second button, the one that controls the flexing motion of the toy, that makes it feel like fingers are curling on Gwil’s prostate over and over again. 

“Fuck!” Gwil cries out, back arching up. “Oh, holy _fuck_ , Ben, I—” He bites down, gritting his teeth, as a loud, raw noise threatens to escape his throat. 

For a few moments, Ben can do nothing but watch and listen. Gwil’s never sounded like this before, never looked like this. He likes being able to see all of him, the way his abdominal muscles clench and unclench, the shakiness of his legs, the way his feet flex. Ben’s cock is hard, resting against his thigh as he just kneels there between Gwil’s legs, watching him unravel. When he and Gwil walked into the shop, he doesn’t think he imagined anything close to this. _Fuck_ , Gwil is gorgeous. Absolutely the most handsome person Ben has ever seen.

Gwil starts moaning as the toy curls in him over and over, each noise getting gradually louder, until he has to cry out and take a couple deep heavy breaths, and then the moaning starts over again. Ben reaches down, gently grasping his fist around his cock, giving himself a couple strokes, breathing heavily as he watches Gwil.

Gwil bites down on his lip, groaning softly as he starts slowly rocking his hips, moving like Ben’s on top of him, fucking into him. “Oh, oh,” he moans, voice shaking, “oh, shit, oh god, don’t stop,” he pants. Ben wets his lips and without thinking, reaches up, giving Gwil a couple strokes before reaching between his legs and pressing his fingers against the base of the massager, pushing in. Gwil cries out loudly, hips arching up. “Oh, love,” he moans. He reaches out for Ben, blindly at first, before he can manage to open his eyes, blinking a couple times to try and focus on Ben, and he starts tugging at him. “Come on,” he pleads.

Ben lets himself get pulled up onto Gwil, straddling just one leg, looking down at him. “Is it alright?” he asks.

“It’s too much,” Gwil says softly, tongue coming out to wet his swollen pink lips.

“Do you want to stop?” Ben asks quickly, and Gwil shakes his head. 

“No, no,” Gwil says, “don’t stop. This…god, Ben, this…” His breath hitches, and he groans a bit.

“I wish I’d seen you like this sooner,” Ben murmurs, running his hands over Gwil, taking him in hand, starting to stroke him steadily. “God, Gwil, I love you.”

Gwil smiles up at him, reaching up to push his trembling fingers through Ben’s hair, and Ben turns his face to the side, pressing a kiss to Gwil’s palm. “I love you, love,” Gwil murmurs, and Ben smiles.

Ben shifts on Gwil’s lap, reaching out to pick up the gold remote, turning it over in his hands. “Maybe we do need this. Should I turn it up?” he asks.

Gwil blinks a couple times, and then nods. “Yes,” he says softly, “turn it up.”

“Okay,” Ben says, and he presses down on one of the buttons. The reaction is almost immediate as the vibrations increase, Gwil’s entire body tightening underneath him, muscles trembling. Ben wets his lips, looking down at the precum leaking steadily from Gwil’s cock. “Have you ever come just from this?” he asks, looking up at Gwil.

Gwil groans, shifting his hips, trying to find friction. “Yes,” he moans, “yes, I— god, Ben, please, touch me, please.”

“I want to see,” Ben says softly. “I…how long would it take?”

“ _Ben_ ,” Gwil begs, “please. It’s not enough, I need you.”

Ben shifts on Gwil’s lap, leaning forward until he’s curled over Gwil. Gwil’s hands are immediately on Ben’s hips, guiding him, making him rock against him, the pressure from Ben on top of him giving Gwil some of the friction he needs. “You’re perfect, Gwil,” Ben murmurs against Gwil’s neck, mouth falling open, starting to suck at Gwil’s skin as he rocks against him. 

“Yes, love, yes,” Gwil pants, and it’s clear to Ben that Gwil’s not really hearing him, he’s just pleading. When Ben lifts his head up again, Gwil’s cheeks are red, his eyes are squeezed shut, and Ben wishes he could take a photograph of him and keep him just like this forever. 

Ben shifts and reaches between them, stroking himself a couple times, letting his knuckles bump against Gwil’s cock but otherwise not touching him. He lets Gwil’s grip tighten on his hips, lets him pull at him and guide him like he does when Ben’s riding him. Then Ben has what he thinks is an absolutely brilliant idea, and he shifts his weight, rolling off Gwil, then pulling Gwil onto him. “Ride me,” Ben murmurs, hands moving to Gwil’s waist. “Pretend it’s me fucking you.” He swallows hard, wetting his lips as he watches Gwil shakily push himself up above Ben, settling on him just to start rocking against him. Ben can only stare up at him. He keeps one hand on Gwil’s hip, and then strokes himself furiously with the other. Part of him wants to take the whole thing slow, keep the toy in Gwil for as long as possible. But _fuck_ this is unlike anything he’s ever seen or heard before, his cock is red and aching and he feels like he’ll explode if he doesn’t come immediately. Ben squeezes himself a bit harder, groaning, thinking about how easy it would be to just slip the toy out of Gwil and slip his cock inside him. “Fuck, Gwil,” he groans, hand practically a blur as he quickly strokes himself.

“Uh-huh,” Gwil nods, moving against Ben, rhythm somehow getting steadier, instead of more frantic like Ben expected. Like Gwil’s adjusting to it, getting used to the constant, steady pressure on his prostate. That just serves to turn Ben on even more, precum dripping out of his cock. “Ben, feels so good.”

“Good,” Ben gasps, “you’re so good.”

“Uh-huh,” Gwil says again, “I’m good.” He closes his eyes, head falling back a bit, mouth hanging open. He makes such a gorgeous picture, his cock hard, smearing precum over his stomach as he rocks against Ben. Ben’s not going to last. That toy is like a goddamn aphrodisiac for him.

His grip on Gwil’s hip tightens, and then Ben presses his head back against the pillow, mouth open. He’s about to come, he can feel it coming, it’s building and building, and for a second Ben thinks something ridiculous along the lines of _holy shit maybe I can’t come anymore_ and then it hits him and he groans loudly, come shooting over his stomach, and spilling down his knuckles. He strokes himself for a few moments longer, still watching Gwil, still hard, feeling like he could keep going another round or two because Gwil’s fucking beautiful, and still hasn’t come.

It takes everything in him for Ben to drag his hand away from his cock, looking up at Gwil. He lifts his knuckles to his mouth, quickly sucking the spots of come off them, and then he wraps his hand around Gwil.

“Holy _fuck_ ,” Gwil cries out, thighs tightening around Ben as he keeps rocking against him. “Fuck,” he pants, “that’s— oh god, fuck yes, love, I’m going to come, oh god I’m going to come.” Gwil shifts his weight, trying to keep pressure against the toy while he fucks into Ben’s fist. “God, fuck, _yes_ ,” he whines, voice breaking a bit as he comes. He rocks against Ben over and over, until he starts to whimper. “Off,” he says, “we need— oh god, Ben.” Gwil doesn’t stop moving though, fingers curling and digging into Ben’s stomach as Ben reaches out, fumbling in the sheets for the remote. He pushes himself up a bit, looking around, feeling a bit frantic. “Ben,” Gwil groans, “it’s— oh god, yes.”

Ben finally grabs the remote, and hits one button, making Gwil whimper, then he hits the other a couple times, and the vibrating stops, and the only sound in the room is the two of them breathily heavily, Ben sitting up, clutching at Gwil, nuzzling against his chest, trying to catch his breath. 

Gwil swallows hard, Adam’s apple bobbing, and he reaches up, brushing his fingers over Ben’s hair, playing with a couple pieces that have started to curl. “There’s a good lad,” Gwil murmurs, and Ben looks up at him. He leans in to give Ben a kiss, but Ben pulls back a bit.

“Gwil, I just—”

“It’s alright, love,” Gwil says softly, “I don’t mind.”

Ben looks away nervously, reaching up to quickly wipe at his mouth with the back of his hand, and then he lets Gwil draw him in for just a soft kiss, quick but gentle. “Are you feeling alright?” Ben asks, rubbing small circles on Gwil’s hip with the pad of his thumb.

“Brilliant,” Gwil says. He swallows hard and then shifts on top of Ben, reaching back.

“No, I’ll— let me,” Ben says. He presses a kiss to Gwil’s chest, hoping to distract him while he reaches back with both hands, carefully grasping onto the toy, starting to gently tug it out. “Tell me if I should stop,” he says softly.

“No, it’s alright,” Gwil says, shifting a bit, closing his eyes.

“There,” Ben says, swallowing hard. “It’s…”

“I’ll clean it up,” Gwil says. He takes it from Ben’s hand, and then moves off his lap, crawling off the bed.

Ben takes a second or two to watch Gwil walk away, swallowing hard. He feels like he could collapse back onto his bed and sleep for a day right about now, but he’s also covered in lube, and come, and sweat, and feels bad that Gwil’s off washing up alone, so he pushes himself off his bed, walking out of his room and into the loo. “Do you want a shower?” he asks, leaning against the doorframe.

“That sounds perfect,” Gwil says, glancing over at him from the sink. “Together, I hope.”

Ben smiles and nods. “Yeah, of course,” he says. He walks over to the shower, reaching in to turn it on, as hot as he can stand, like he likes it, then he walks over to the sink, grabbing his mouthwash. 

Gwil grabs a hand towel and lays it out on the counter, setting the massager down on it to dry. He smiles over at Ben and then climbs into the shower, groaning when the hot water hits him. “Come on, love,” he says, and Ben spits into the sink before walking over, climbing in as well. Gwil pulls Ben in, and Ben stifles a yawn, snuggling against Gwil’s chest, enjoying the scratch of Gwil’s chest hair against him. “Tired?” he asks.

Ben nods. “I wouldn’t mind curling up on the sofa after this,” he says.

“Neither would I,” Gwil says.

“Are you really alright?” Ben asks, looking up at him.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Gwil asks, stepping back a bit to grab Ben’s body wash. 

“Just don’t want you to be hurt,” Ben says. “That’s all.”

“Not hurt,” Gwil says, starting to rub the soap over his arms, “but I might be a bit…achy tomorrow morning. I’m sure you’re familiar with that feeling,” he says with a wink.

Ben blushes a bit and then nods. He really is tired, now that he thinks about it. He rests against the shower wall, watching Gwil wash up.

Gwil laughs softly. “Going to fall asleep on me?” he asks.

Ben smiles. “Not literally, no,” he says. “I just…I don’t know,” he says. He shifts on his feet, trying to get closer to the water so he can warm up a bit. “I’ve never seen you like that before,” he says softly, reaching up, resting his hand on the juncture between Gwil’s neck and shoulder. “You’re really something.”

Gwil grins. “I’ll take that compliment,” he says. “I like the sounds of that.”

“Was it enough?” Ben asks nervously. “I mean, was I—”

“Ben, you’re always enough,” Gwil says. “But yes, that was particularly good.” Ben laughs softly at that. Gwil squeezes out more of the body wash, letting it run over Ben’s shoulders, starting to rub them for him. He smiles, leaning in to give him a kiss. “I think we deserve a bit of a lie in tomorrow, love, don’t we?”

Ben grins. “What, for shagging too hard?” he asks. “Hmm, I don’t know about that, that’s not really—” 

“And then we’ll get up and get brunch,” Gwil murmurs, and Ben shakes his head a bit.

“I’m not saying no, Gwil,” Ben says, laughing a bit, “I’m just saying, I don’t know that _deserve_ is the right word here.”

“Hmm, I think it is,” Gwil says, rubbing the soap over Ben’s chest. “Absolutely. That was a lot of work. Certainly took a lot of out me.”

Ben groans and then laughs, shaking his head. “That’s awful,” he murmurs, moving under the spray of the water, washing himself off. He sighs, resting against Gwil again, snuggling against him. “I love you, Gwil,” he says.

“I love you too, love,” Gwil says, and Ben smiles. Gwil grabs a cloth, wiping off the excess lube from them both, then steps back, looking down at him. “I think that’ll do us for tonight,” he says, reaching out to shut the water off.

They climb out of the shower, and Ben grabs one towel, handing it to Gwil, and then grabs another, drying off a bit before wrapping it around his waist. He looks at the prostate massager, drying on the counter, and then glances over at Gwil.

“What do you think, love?” Gwil asks. “Keep it? Or pop it back in the box and forget it ever happened.”

Ben swallows hard, thinking about the noises Gwil made, how absolutely bloody gorgeous he looked with it in him. “No,” he says, shaking his head, “let’s— let’s keep it. I…never know when we might need it again.”

“You’re sure?” Gwil asks, and Ben nods. 

“Yeah, of course,” Ben says. He reaches out, fingers gently flitting over the buttons, and then he gives Gwil a quick smile. “If you liked it, that is.”

Gwil grins, pulling Ben in for a kiss. “I think you know I liked it, love,” he says softly, and Ben grins.

“Well, I just wanted to be sure,” he says, kissing Gwil back. “You can— uh, well, it’s yours. Take it home, leave it here, I don’t mind.” He tightens the towel on his hips and opens the door, walking back out into the flat.

“Right in the nightstand,” Gwil says, and Ben shrugs. “Maybe I’ll need a separate one for my flat.”

Ben smiles back at him. “Maybe you will,” he says. “Guess you’ll be bloody obsessed with it before too long, won’t want to touch me at all.” It's a joke, but it still stings a bit to say it, and he thinks maybe he was worried about it. Ben walks over to his wardrobe, pulling out a jumper, and then jumps when he feels Gwil’s hands on his waist.

“I don’t think you have to worry about that, love,” Gwil murmurs, voice low, wetting his lips before he presses a kiss to Ben’s neck. “I don’t know what it would take to make me stop touching you, but it’d have to be a lot more than that little thing.” He kisses Ben’s neck again, then moves his mouth up, gently nipping at Ben’s ear, reaching down to palm Ben through his towel.

“Gwil,” Ben groans softly, head tilting back against him, dropping his jumper on the floor.

“Mmm, I love the sounds you make,” Gwil murmurs. “Want to make some more for me?”

Ben pulls back a bit, blinking up at him. “We just showered.”

Gwil laughs softly. “And it’ll be there for us to shower again. Besides, someone doesn’t think we did enough to _deserve_ a lazy day tomorrow.” He leans in, pulling Ben in for a kiss. “Only if you want, love,” he says softly.

Ben swallows, thinking for a moment, and then he smiles and nods. 

“Yeah?” Gwil asks, and Ben nods again. Gwil grins and wraps his arms around Ben’s waist, tugging him back towards the bed.

**Author's Note:**

> • sort of a prequel to _soon i grew and happy too_ because of course people wanted to know what's in that drawer!  
> • so while of course I hope everyone enjoys it, it's also very much for a couple people in particular <3  
> • if you follow me on tumblr, you know I wasn't sure about this one (my mental health is a bit all of over the place right now)  
> • but this is a very much edited version of the story I had originally written, and I like it much better now.  
> • I sort of like the idea of Rami and Joe as sex gurus for their friends who struggle a bit with communication.  
> • and I _very_ much liked the idea of Gwil being the one who uses the toy, and Ben getting to watch.  
> • I know which stories I very much want to write next, and I know which ones make the most sense to write next.  
> • but also Ben/Joe week is coming up, and Gwil/Joe week is coming up, and I will be spending a bit of time on those.  
> • but I also have a week off of work for the holidays this month so I'm hoping to make the most of my time!  
> • I apologize if it feels like I'm dragging my feet getting to stuff like the wedding and all that (trust me, I'm excited too)  
> • but I can only write what I'm in the mood for at the moment, and there is stuff that needs to come first.  
> • even though this didn't NEED to come first, I hope nobody minds it anyway.


End file.
